do you ever wander through life wondering if you're ever going to figure out what it is God wants you to do with your life? i wonder day and night if what i'm suppose to be doing is right in front of my nose but yet so blind to see it.

life is the period between birth and death, or so one definition states it online. i am confused, but yet know this period in my life i am going a new, fresh direction. i am 21, not your normal get crazy, drink, and party 21 year old. i love nights spent with family, i love countless hours spent on my cell phone at night getting to know people, and i love where i stand with the Lord. i believe this is the life God desires for me.

i look at life with a new perspective after July. i was not fully reaching the potential God set out for me, and although it took lots of pain and tears to get here-i'm happy. the kind of happy where i'm not afraid to be blunt, truthful,or my honest self.

so-this is what im thinking right now in this moment...i'm living for Jesus, and i feel like He is proud of me for that. i think i have been searching so hard for what Jesus wants me to do that maybe He wants me to stop and focus on what I have with Him right now. I know my relationship with Him has lacked, a lot, but i know where i stand now and where i don't want to be again. i have learned to include God in my relationships, and everyday activities because He is all that truly matters as i live my life.

i need strength and patience. i have learned to go the the Lord first with any problem. i love my life, and all the people in it and strive everyday to be the woman He made me to be

psalm 30:1
i will exalt you, Lord, for you rescued me. you refused to let my enemies triumph over me.

this is my journey, this is my story, this is my life...
kb

i'm feeling uninspired... but that's when i just need to start typing and see where it takes me.

topic of discussion today: hanging on

had a good discussion over supper last night about how i view different situations in life. if you know me i tend to be quiet and in thought often...don't take it as me being someone i'm not-that's just my personality. i am opinionated, and can be honest and straight forward, but who says what's right and wrong-only God in my opinion.

anyway i started thinking about my past-and how i may still be hanging on to things but yet know i'm so much more than that. i can't look at other's sin's and think mine is nothing compared to theirs. all sin's are the same in God's eyes. i realize holding on to what has helped me grow is all that i should be hanging on to, all the rest can well-just go!

God knows my anxious heart-i think that's why He test's my patience...to keep me dependent on Him in ALL situations. God is the only person that know's me better than myself-scary thought but SO true. I have experienced pain, joy's, and all the in between's and it's made for the "hanging on" moments which sometimes need to be let go. but God is working in my heart more than anyone, but Him, will ever know. change is hard for me but not this one-it is much needed!

i feel love, i feek grace, and God stole me heart this past year. thankful-so much! i learned to be happy for who i was, my independence, and my family. i have been learning and still struggle with putting other's before myself, but change takes time. change take's prayer, devotion, and a steady heart in Jesus.

i see now in my own life what i don't want for so many young girls. talking to a room of teenagers over the weekend was a blessing. hearing stories and situations where people have to be vulnerable is important-it's how we grow. nothing in life comes easy if it's something we really want. why?...God designed us so that we fall on Him. Smart man Jesus is!

so... what am i still hanging on to? -only the good stuff. i am learning to let my heart be open to new possibilities and life changes. why? cause im ready. in God's time, and His will i'll see what He has set out for me, and maybe that just requires me digging in a little deeper and getting to know this big heart God gave me better.

proverbs 3:5-6

trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understandings. in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight.

always depend on Jesus. hang on to the moments that only make you a better person.

this is my journey, this is my story, this is my life...

kb