my heart is beating fast. i know in 4 days i will be entering port au prince and i don't know what feelings will come over me or what i will experience. but that's the exciting part of life-never knowing what God has in store for me. i can't wait to get to know every individual on my team and get to know them on a spiritual level-i think God has put an amazing group of hearts together and it excites me to see what He will do!

it's so hard for me to grasp that God knew my life before i even believed. i have never thought about it this way till the other day...i know God has plans for my life-plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future. i am just impatient. i would like to know right now what i am suppose to do with my life, where i am suppose to go, who i will meet. the unknowns always kill me but that's where trust comes in.

Since starting my blog i received an email from someone going through the same things i have- it's amazing to me that when I opened my heart God showed me that it's ok to not have it all together cause well... i'm not the only one. I believe God rescued me. period. God is amazing -thank you Lord for opening hearts up to me already, i will continue to pray for their walk with u.

i know this blog may not always interest anyone, but that's not why i started writing. i started writing cause this is a way of holding myself accountable and to keep pushing till i find my calling in life. i write from my heart and what's on my mind and i think that's whats important in staying true to myself.

i am praying for big things for my trip to haiti because i believe in a God who can do BIG things. i am so thankful for all the love and support i have been given and can't wait to see what God will do. one step at a time...i pray i can be Gods hands and feet in this broken world.

this is my journey, this is my story, this is my life.

kb

t-6 days till i meet the people of haiti

144 hours till my eyes are opened to a new culture

8640 minutes till i pray God changes my life and opens my heart to new opportunities

so here i am ready-satan is not stopping what God is about to do in my heart and the heart of the haitians...and i believe that.

I was asked a few weeks ago what motivates me to grow in my life and faith walk-my response:
"Gods love-He has changed my heart more than i could put into words. i feel Him calling me to something bigger in my life. Gods love has impacted me and i believe all along He has loved me and now it is my turn to love Him back as best I can."

i am trying to live my life as 1 thessalonianas 5:16-18 says we should-
be joyful always; pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Jesus Christ

joyful always. HARD ...but i am trying. praying continually-its amazing what the power of prayer does and i have seen it already. giving thanks- has given me a new perspective on life and has taught me a lot about myself. it's God's WILL for me to live this way! is that not awesome in and of itself?...

i was living my life for myself 6 months ago...honestly. and though i am not proud of who i was, i am thankful for who i am now and what i have learned along the way. i am thankful that at this point in my life God has given me the opportunity to be His hands and feet in haiti. i pray He gives me the words that need to be shared with the haitians and that when i come home i will have a whole new look on life.

God is tugging on my heart-when i put my trust in Him, He moves me...to new heights.
that is all for tonight...this is my journey, this is my story, this is my life... kb

in less than 7 days, i will be leaving for the country of haiti

i don't know what to expect or what i will see-but i am ready.

i with a team of 22 will enter this country ready to be used in any way God calls us. we were told to come on this mission trip with open hearts and flexible schedules-why?-cause u never know how God will use you at any minute.

i know God will use me in ways that are going to stretch me-that scares me because it requires doing something out of my comfort zone. but do i want to grow and be used? -YES.

we will be in haiti january 2-10. our days will be filled with street evangelizing, visiting villages, and going into orphanges. our last three nights we will be putting on a festival in port-au-prince, speaking and singing praises to our Father. we don't know if one or thousands will come out for this festival but we are putting our trust in God to use us in way's He needs us.

this will be my first mission trip-i am beyond excited as this is something i have wanted to do since our mission trip to ecuador had been cancelled. i am praying that along this journey God will reveal to me a way He wants to use me in my life. i know it may be asking a lot, and i may not figure it out, but i know in His time God will reveal the journey He wants for my life-and when this happens i will be ready.

i am asking for prayers as i prepare along with my family and friends to enter the country of haiti. pray for safety, health, travels, and the hearts of the haitians. i am going to haiti to serve my Father because HE has called me to this mission trip- so i covet all your prayers!

this is my journey, this is my story, this is my life...

kb

2 years ago my life was in a place of confusion. not only did i forget who I was, i pushed God, my family, and most of my friends out of my life in order to please someone else. my life was turned around a year later after i met someone who i thought loved me, little did i know God had something bigger in store for me. although i went through times of frustration with God i am learning to find my way back home to Him and figure out ME.

0ctober 15, 2011...the day everything changed.

i sat by my computer chatting to a friend and found myself in a deep conversation about where i was in life. i remember sitting their unraveling my life from the past 2 years realizing the person on the other end may not want to read one ounce of it. (if you know me you know how i sometimes need to vent and other times i prefer to keep everything to myself) but this night i needed to vent-what i didn't realize was God opening my eyes to listen to Him in a still small voice and to stop going on and on because i was not alone-my friend was in the same boat not far behind me feeling the same way. 2 lost broken sinners ready for something crazy intense in our lives and we knew the only way we were going to accomplish this was finding our way back to God. i was not alone. nor were they. neither of us were afraid to admit we didn’t have it all figured out.

everything changed. you know how some people say a light bulb will just come on and you sit there twirling your eye's saying, "ya right"-it happened. all at once i felt God saying He had bigger better things in store for me just wait and follow me.

so what am i working on right now-having peace in my heart in the uncertain understandings.
i pray and seek to know Him more because my heart hungers for His love.

"Our glory is hidden in our pain, if we allow God to bring the gift of himself in our experience of it. If we turn to God, not rebelling against our hurt, we let God transform it with greater good." (Henri Nouwen)

i don't know where my walk of life is going to lead me. i am living day by day and maybe that's not ok, but i am happy. i walk in a place with God that i have never felt before and that is indescribable. i want to be used-and i am waiting patiently for God to show me the next step in my life.

this is my journey, this is my story, this is my life.

kb