on the way...

2 years ago my life was in a place of confusion. not only did i forget who I was, i pushed God, my family, and most of my friends out of my life in order to please someone else. my life was turned around a year later after i met someone who i thought loved me, little did i know God had something bigger in store for me. although i went through times of frustration with God i am learning to find my way back home to Him and figure out ME.

0ctober 15, 2011...the day everything changed.

i sat by my computer chatting to a friend and found myself in a deep conversation about where i was in life. i remember sitting their unraveling my life from the past 2 years realizing the person on the other end may not want to read one ounce of it. (if you know me you know how i sometimes need to vent and other times i prefer to keep everything to myself) but this night i needed to vent-what i didn't realize was God opening my eyes to listen to Him in a still small voice and to stop going on and on because i was not alone-my friend was in the same boat not far behind me feeling the same way. 2 lost broken sinners ready for something crazy intense in our lives and we knew the only way we were going to accomplish this was finding our way back to God. i was not alone. nor were they. neither of us were afraid to admit we didn’t have it all figured out.

everything changed. you know how some people say a light bulb will just come on and you sit there twirling your eye's saying, "ya right"-it happened. all at once i felt God saying He had bigger better things in store for me just wait and follow me.

so what am i working on right now-having peace in my heart in the uncertain understandings.
i pray and seek to know Him more because my heart hungers for His love.

"Our glory is hidden in our pain, if we allow God to bring the gift of himself in our experience of it. If we turn to God, not rebelling against our hurt, we let God transform it with greater good." (Henri Nouwen)

i don't know where my walk of life is going to lead me. i am living day by day and maybe that's not ok, but i am happy. i walk in a place with God that i have never felt before and that is indescribable. i want to be used-and i am waiting patiently for God to show me the next step in my life.

this is my journey, this is my story, this is my life.

kb