prayers...

my little nephew coyer has been in the ER the past 2 nights and is now being admitted for further testing.

little guy is in need of prayers as he is not himself. its not normal for coyer to want to sleep away most of the day or miss his favorite tv shows.

as i speak little coyerkinz is getting iv's pumped into him along with antibiotics. coyer will be in the pediatrics unit over the next few days trying to break his fever and get to the bottom of what is causing all the coughing and throwing up. he was tested for rsv, influenza, and pneumonia last night but will be getting tested again tonight. please keep little monster in your prayers- i love him dearly and want to see his happy self running around again! love u little man!

if you want to stay updated feel free to follow kansas blog:

http://fergenadoption.blogspot.com/

for i will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds, says the Lord.

Jeremiah 30:17

this is my journey, this is my story, this is my life...

kb

im not gonna worry...

ok...well thats not true but so often i wish i could live up to the statement, "don't worry"

life is so jumbled-and such a mess. i am confused more often than im certain and thats not always the most comforting thing- but maybe that means God is working in me...working in my crazy confused heart to made sure i have it right with Him? idk.

3 years ago on a sunday afternoon i sat in my parents living room with my sister jasmyn while she was playing chords on her guitar. we started messing around with lyrics and i remember writing the lyrics, "sometimes i wonder what's staring back at me, i've been so blinded by what i thought i should be" at this time in my life i was broken and hiding so many things, i wanted change but didn't know how to get out of it. i remember having many meanings behind those few lyrics, but the main things that stood out to me- i was being so blind to how i was treating the one's that loved me. i was selfish and self centered. i wondered how my family was viewing me but also the little girls that i sang to at concerts. i was putting on an 'act' and i was living a different life. i had all the idea's in the book of what i wanted to be and i was going to do just that-

God changed that all. i don't know the exact moment everything hit me and i wish i had a more ah ha moment to write about, but i dont-all i know is God tested me, i failed, but His grace and love came back to rescue me...i needed to change my heart. i honestly think the song Change that Heart was written for me. selfish i say that? i don't think so. when i am on stage singing this song it brings me back through all the stuff i went through and ends with saying, "im not who i use to be"-thats my anthem, right there, right now. i have a different heart, i have a different reason for living, i have a new mission in life-and it's awesome, im not who i use to be!

im running to God with all of my heart, with all of my scars, asking him to hold me in his hands and lead me where He wants me to go. i am asked often what i want to do with the rest of my life-i don't know. that scares me, that worries me, but God wants me to come to Him with my fears and lay it at His feet and that is something i am learning. i want to be faithful, i want to be honest, and i want to be real. Jesus' love never fails. period. I have a Father who is alive and here and i want others to know and see that and im just not sure how i am going to do that yet.

haiti changed me. gave me new light. the trip was not what i planned but God showed me that it wasn't about what i planned, it was His plan that mattered and i needed to follow just that.

reality can be hard. excited? yes! i serve an awesome God and who knows what He has in store.

this is my journey, this is my story, this is my life.
kb

day 7

the day i was looking forward to the most on our trip...

today i had the privilege of seeing the mission of hope orphanage. this organization has a goal of seeing lives changed and that is something i saw while visiting. the hearts of the volunteers and workers were full of love for the children and i was honored to see the place where many of these children call home.

i was excited to connect with a few little girls right away but yet felt like they had their guards up. i pulled from the situation that they know we are only there for a short time- so they didn't want to open up to us and that broke my heart. i was happy i was able to break the ice a little and i pulled out some sidewalk chalk to play with. lots of hop scotch and tic-tac-toe boards were being drawn along with flowers and stick people.

we ended our night at mission of hope with a mini festival filled with music, testimonies, and a few bmx tricks. it was wonderful to worship with a group of people that were hungry for the Lord. after the concert i met a 21 year old haitian man who spoke very good english. it was so nice to have a fluent conversation with a haitian without the language barriers- that was definitely a God moment. the young man opened up to me and told me he had accepted the Lord into his heart 5 years ago and when we came and sang about Jesus it brought joy to his heart. this man told me to never stop singing for the Lord because it was such a blessing. i felt like i had really connected with this man and i was thankful for God bringing him to me.

day 8- after getting through 3 different security stations in the haiti airport we were on our way back to the states. i had a great time of debriefing over lunch in the miami airport with a few other team members and was very sad to see our trip coming to an end.

i want to take this time to thank my friends, family, church, and community for your ongoing support and love in my life-i can't say thank you enough! for all the prayers while we were on our trip-thank you is not enough! below i am posting a few of my favorite pics from haiti to give you a glimpse of what i was able to experience...enjoy!

psalm 23:6

i know that your goodness and love will be with me all my life; and your house will be my home as long as i live.

this is my journey, this is my story, this is my life...kb

day 5


i saw destruction- i saw how powerful our God is- and i saw what an earthquake can do to a country.


the earth may shake but our God stands strong.


my heart goes out to the people of haiti and all they must have been through 2 years ago. lost lives, homes destroyed, and broken hope. today we were taken to see the capital building and some churches that have not been touched since the earthquake.

the earthquake was such a huge loss for the country of haiti that people now believe the capital building is the "devil's house" and no one wants to touch it. the capital remains untouched 2 years later... it's hard to tell by looking at these pictures but the earthquake that lasted all of 10 seconds collapsed the entire middle floor of the capital, destroyed this church, and many lost the homes they once had and now live in tents.

this was the day it hit me...i am thankful for where i live and all i have.

we ended our day getting ready for what we knew God was going to make a great day 2 of the festival. everything ran a lot smoother and we knew God was working in the hearts of the haitians when we saw an increase of people who came out that night to worship, pray, and hang out with us. we saw a rise in people that wanted to give their lives to Christ and it was so exciting to be by their sides praying them on!

i was not only at the festival to help plant a seed, God wanted me to be fed too. it's always great to have another band along that i can worship with. it was a blessing to have Rachelle Hopes band along side of us with the same mission in mind! alan and josh both came out and gave great testimonies/messages and it was great to see the connection they had with the crowd. but the main attraction every night was the bmx rider that came along with us...john. not only did kids love him but also adults-they couldnt get enough of his jumps and flips. john lives his life for the lord and he had quite the story to tell.

Day 6

we were up early to be prepared to go to pastor luc's church. i have never been to a church outside of the country so i didn't know what to expect. the church had cement walls and fold up chairs but that's not what the church is all about-its about worship and fellowship and it was evident in these people. churches in haiti are a lot simpler than in america, sometimes i think we get lost in all our denominations that we forget what church is all about. haiti churches don't worry about what time it is, or how long the message go-people are so excited to be at a place where God's love can be spoken about. we were able to be apart of the service and sing two worship songs along with the song we learned in creole. God is SO good!

we went to the final day of the festival early to get some sound checks in and be prepared for what God was going to do that night. we estimated the final night to have 6-7 thousand people with us! we were overwhelmed with all the excitement the people had and had the most amazing time of worship with them. by the third night some of the haitians had caught on to our songs and were singing and dancing along with us. it was so neat-words can't describe the worship that was going on that night! the final night was crazy-people were trying to get as close to the ramp and stage as possible and everyone wanted a book of hope. God kept us safe and we were so thankful for the lives God brought out to the 3 day festival we were apart of!

with one day left before heading back to the states we were excited for what God was going to do on our final day...

this is my journey, this is my story, this is my life...

kb

day 4

“God isn’t looking for people of great faith, but for individuals ready to follow Him“ — Hudson
Taylor


festival day...not going to lie most of the day was such a blur, in a good way :)

the day started off bright and early with our morning devos and breakfast. we arrived at the "soccer stadium" at ten expecting the sound/production guys to be their as well. little did we know 10 in haiti means 11:30 their time. streets and driving are quite crazy so this was to be expected. when we arrived john (pro bmx rider) got right to work with building his ramp. God was present and that was apparent when we drove up and saw a lumber yard right across from the soccer stadium. that was a God thing FOR SURE! kids were instantly drawn to the men building the ramp and wanted to know what was going on. while some of our group worked on the ramps others of us when down the streets talking to people about Jesus and inviting them to the festival we were putting on that night. we were able to see how people make a living as many women were on the streets selling produce and whatever else they owned.

this day in haiti was probably my favorite day out of them all. a few of us met a boy by the soccer stadium who was crying, we walked over to the little boy who then went on to tell us someone picked on him and stole one of his shoes. this boy was crying like he had lost everything he had ever had-this shoe meant the world to him and he looked devastated. he melted our hearts and we knew we couldn't let him go home this way. a few of us from the team headed out to the streets to look for a new pair of shoes for this little boy, after almost giving up not being able to find any God provided. the best $5 bucks i have ever spent after seeing this little boys smile on his face. he gave me a hug, pounded me, and waved goodbye. i was hoping this was not the last time i would see this boy, and it wasn't-he was at the festival grounds every night and by the last night he somehow made his way on the stage to sit by us. i'll never forget those brown eyes that looked at me...

our first night of the festival we saw 2000 haitians come out which we we're very excited about. we had plenty of room to grow and knew God would bring even more people to the festival on day 2 & 3. we saw many people give their lives to christ and it was so exciting to be around and experience. everything was such a blur the first night of the festival i felt like we were their and gone, but what we were able to be a part of was life changing. haiti changes your whole look on life and i am so thankful to have been blessed with this mission in my life.

“Prepare for the worst, expect the best, and take what comes.” – Robert Speer

this is my journey, this is my story, this is my life...kb

Day 2/3

days in haiti seemed to fly by and the time spent with my group and the haitians are one’s I will remember forever. every night was filled with time to sit and debrief as a group and hear stories about our days and encounters we may have had-this was probably one of my favorite parts of our trip/along with late night talks with the midnight crew.

we had the opportunity to visit a village 2 hours away from port au prince and see a church that pastor luc had planted. (talk about a sore butt-little did i know but roads in haiti are nothing like america) Before heading out to the village we learned a part of the song, “come now is the time to worship,” in creole- so we would be able to sing with the children in the village. It was so special to worship as one voice and one language in the village singing:

vini, kounyea se le pou noo adorae
vini, dounyea se le pou bay kayou
vini (x2)

at the village we passed out bowls of rice, gravy, and noodles to the children and later did crafts with them in groups outside. every child whether young or old wanted every craft because to them getting new things is so special-it’s hard to describe but the joy in their eyes after they receive something was so neat to see. i fell in love with big brown eyes and it was great to experience just a bit of their culture and their home. we were blessed to have some amazing translators come with us to the village but when my group headed out to do prayer walking we were paired up with a boy from the village who knew english-i had a good conversation with him about how he learned english, where he first heard about Jesus Christ, and what he wanted to do with his life. i wasn’t expecting to hear this man say how much he loved his village-he had such a heart for the people. he said when he is done with his english schooling he wants to return back to the village and help the people there. he was a great translator to be paired up with- he was on a mission to have us pray over people and their homes-as many people as we could reach in the amount of time we had-he was thrilled about having us there so it made it all the more fun.

i never realized how much people wanted prayer-it’s a matter of asking and people opened up their hearts to us. in the village people wanted prayer for their marriages, health, being accepted, and their new life in Christ-they are just like us. they have needs but they are so open about it and want to talk about it and it was so special. the haitians barely knew us but yet trusted us enough to talk about what was on their heart and asked us to pray about it-God is good!

we have it good in America-far better than what we deserve. the people of haiti have so little but yet are happy. i am hoping i took a little bit of this attitude back with me to the states. i was not expecting to see as much poverty as i did-it’s crazy to me that throwing their garbage wherever they want is normal in their everyday lives. my eyes were opened to the living conditions most people have-to see tent villages and homes the size of my bathroom sure gave me a new perspective on how good I have it. i am forever grateful for the experience this trip has been.

Ruth 1:16
“don’t urge me to leave you or turn back from you. where you go i will go, and where you stay i will stay. your people will be my people and your God my God.

this is my journey, this is my story, this is my life…
kb

day 1-
what a way to start off a new year...

i am so blessed that i was able to travel to haiti and have my eyes opened to a new country. what i saw is something i can’t even put into words....but i’m going to try.

our first day in haiti was overwhelming and exciting. my first step out of the plane i knew my life would be rocked but in a good way. i’m not going to sit here and lie and say it wasn’t a scary experience at some points, it was. we were stared at, given gestures, and I even had my hand hit by a haitian. but i looked beyond these few things because in the hearts of the haitians a saw happiness-I saw the love of Jesus.

the country of Haiti is beautiful. the first day we traveled up a mountain and prayed over all of haiti. (i hope to return to this mountain someday-it was the most breathtaking view i have ever seen) when we were on top of the mountain a local artist was painting a picture of what he saw when he looked out over the mountain. we had the opportunity to ask the man what he thought haiti needed the most, so we could pray about it. “haiti needs Jesus to come back”- wow, i was speechless. you can’t put into words what it felt like to hear someone say these words with so much passion, he really believed in his heart that haiti needed Jesus in order for change.

i sat in the still silence overlooking haiti almost numb. i am blessed beyond words-america is blessed- but yet what i saw was more happiness in the hearts of the haitians than you do in a country where we have been given far more than we need.

you know how you sit at home watching tv and commercials come on where you see poverty and destruction in other countries-well it’s REAL. i obviously knew it was out there but to truly be in and around it was staggering.

the rest of our afternoon/night was filled with children, soccer balls, smiles and laughter. americans vs. haitians (might I add all these kids were probably half our age) = I think you can figure out the outcome of our game. jamaica showed off her mad soccer skills by taking on some little haitian boys and showing them up-it was quite adorable to here little haitian kids giggling as they watched Jamaica play. i don’t think little white girls have been to haiti much because everyone wanted to touch her skin and see her up close.

Day 1 was over-sad- but exciting to see what God had in store for the remainder of our trip!

God is good all the time…all the time God is good. i seen this after the first day in haiti.

For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. —Colossians 1:13-14

this is my story, this is my journey, this is my life…kb

it's here. the new year!

2012-the year i am hoping to conquer some resolutions. i haven't wrote in a few days-i wanted to get my thoughts together before i leave, but i do want to talk about what went on today.

back in november pastor told us about a box he was going to have in the sanctuary-this box was going to be a place to write down our thoughts about what he would like us to have him preach on. of course i was going to take him up on this offer being in the confused state of mind i was.

so i wrote-i wanted to know how i was suppose to separate God's calling for my life from my own thoughts. how was i supposed to know if God was calling me to something or if it was just me "thinking" these things.

so there were my thoughts-written down and now in the box. i was going to hopefully get some answers to my questions and that excited me. i have been watching week by week to see what the next sermon topic would be on. and it happened. today.

"a call for you on line one" 1 samuel 3:1-11

main topics under this caption:
*what is a call from God?
*how do i know if it's a call from God?
*how do these calls come to us?
*to whom do these calls come?
*how do i respond to God's call in my life?

i knew this message was going to hit home for me. my questions and then some were answered. i was given a new insight and a new thinking on this whole, "calling" thing and it was overwhelming. to top it all there i was sitting at the end of the service singing one of the most beautiful worship songs feeling tears fill my eyes. God was working not only in me but the people around me and i felt it. i saw arms raised and their as a church we sang...
holy, holy Lord God almighty
worthy is the lamb who was slain
highest praises honor and glory
be unto your name, be unto your name

it was amazing. perfect timing. a God thing. 1 day away from leaving for haiti and God knew the perfect time to have our pastor preach on our callings in life. i believe. i believe in an amazing God who is working and like pastor said this morning our God works in the grace department. i am a sinner-but God wants to work in my life. i was given a purpose on this earth, a mission and calling and it's my time to fulfill it.

thank u God for your perfect timing...i heard you loud and clear this morning and i am ready for port au prince and all you will show me. road blocks may come but my God is strong- i believe He is working in my heart and will be in the hearts of the haitians to overcome anything. i look forward to writing about my journey when i come home. God is good all the time, all the time God is good.

this is my journey, this is my story, this is my life. kb