spirit come and change the atmosphere, convict all open hearts to hear....
o God of every aching heart, we long for you in light and dark. (kj)

when life pushes me to my last limits and i feel like i am on my last rope of patience i look to you Lord.  when i find myself looking into my frustrations i have to turn them into opportunities.  this is when, you Lord, are working the hardest in my life.  when i see road blocks as disappointments you are teaching me to draw closer to you.

some days i dont trust you enough to let go and let you lead my days.  i do not cast my worries or troubles on you because i think i can figure this life out on my own.  i need to turn my days into Your days.

1 Peter 5:6
humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time

1 Thessalonians 5:18
give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus

lots of thoughts, pressing songs playing over and over in my head...not sure the purpose but God is working.  nothing is too difficult for God to accomplish, i can count on Him in every situation and that's just what i'll do.  :)

this is my journey, this my story, this is my life...kb

Ruth 3:11

"And now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you all that you request, for all the people of my
town know that you are a virtuous woman."

What are you doing everyday to learn more about yourself and God’s calling for your life?
This is a question that was thrown at me this morning…I was a bit taken back just because it’s
not just an everyday question-but, maybe it should be?

One thing I have learned about myself is that I need to be held accountable. I know some day’s
I feel like writing this blog is a chore but I do it because I know I need to for myself. When I first
started this blog I didn’t want anyone to know about it, I just wanted it to be something just for
myself. But I realized quickly that if I was going to have something, “online,” I can’t care about
who reads it or what they think. I’m learning slowly but being vulnerable and open does not
always come so easy to me.

So what am I doing everyday to get to know myself better and learn about God’s calling for my
life?.... being patient, quiet, and listening. I have put my heart in a place in hopes that God will
see that I want to follow His leading and go where He wants me to go. I have wasted too much
of my life following my own leadings so I am learning to rely on who is really important.

I feel like in all my readings lately God keeps nudging on me to stop fearing. I have had a lot
on my mind lately with where God is calling me and I’m starting to think maybe when I stop
fearing God will start moving mountains, I just have to get there yet-like I said I’m working on
my patience!

Sometimes I think I want to live in Sioux Falls, sometimes I think I like it right where I am, other
times I wonder if I should be somewhere completely new-but, for now I’m learning to be happy
where I am right now, and thankful for ALL God has blessed me with.

This is my journey, this is my story, this my life…
kb

flawed-
containing a mistake, weakness, or fault

we all are aren’t we?

i had a good conversation this past week with my boyfriend about having a hard time forgiving others but also ourselves. my boyfriend is a youth intern at a church and this was his topic of discussion for the week. He was having trouble with his topic and came to me for help. Before we knew it we found ourselves engulfed in a deep discussion.

It brought out the best of us…or the worst, depending upon how you want to look at it. ( the purpose behind our discussion was to see the real "us," flaws and all. i ended up sharing many stories about my past, where i learned to forgive myself but also stories where i still need to learn to forgive. the more i talk about my past the more i strive to never go back to the person i once was.

in 2 Corinthians 12:9a it says, "my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

His grace is for me. it’s clearly stated. in our weakness’ He has strength.

flaws shaped me into who i am today. some of my flaws have caused me to put up barriers while others have helped me grow, but i am thankful for them all.

i still have plenty of days where I make mistakes and falter, but i look at it all differently now. i want God to be proud of me, as well as my family and those who surround me. i want to be a person of integrity and humbleness. i know I have been told I have an overly honest personality
but like i said to one of my sisters the other day, " i would much rather be overly honest, than a person who is getting caught up in their own lies." i never want to go back to that person I once was-and am thankful for the position God has enabled me to be in. a few weeks ago when i was at a concert i had a young girl confront me on a situation going on at her school, i knew God had brought this girl to me for a reason. i listened to what the young girl had to say and saw a child of God who needed some advice and guidance. being in a much similar situation as hers I was able to take what I learned and help guide her down God’s path. I find myself blessed with the opportunity to speak to young girls one on one at concerts and tell them about my past in hopes that they will learn from my flaws. I was blessed and am so thankful for these encounters in my life.

Ephesians 2:10
"For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

i am learning day by day to solely and completely depend on God. it’s good to know about our flaws because it helps us lean on God and drives us to become a better person.

challenge-tell the truth in all situations…use your faults as tools to help others

this is my journey, this is my story, this is my life….kb

sometimes what God calls us to do can be confusing. we toss around ideas wondering if it's what we are called to do, at least i know i have...

i talked to a guy my age today who is a full time college student who is feeling called to full time prison ministries. awesome?...i'd say so. seeing passion and drive in someone's eyes tell you that God is working in their heart. over the past year i have been blessed to have little encounters with people who have a desire to do more in their life. this young man was one of those people-one person who didn't know how he was going to do it but heard God's voice and now is choosing to follow it.

i was challenged with a devotional from the, "daily bread" yesterday, that talked about how it's human to resist change. we find ourselves digging for every reason why we are going to fail and that's what usually stops us from doing the will of our Father. the devotional hit it dead on when it stated, "it's not change in general that we hate; it's change that involves loss-sometimes physical; other times emotional or psychological." change is what's going to have to take place in order for us to grow and be in a better place, but we have to make sure to keep God the center of it.

at a young age some people just "know" what they are called to do, for some of us it takes time...i just think it's important to know where your heart is and God will lead us in His time.

take every moment you can and give it to the Lord...

this is my journey, this is my story, this is my life...kb

do you ever wander through life wondering if you're ever going to figure out what it is God wants you to do with your life? i wonder day and night if what i'm suppose to be doing is right in front of my nose but yet so blind to see it.

life is the period between birth and death, or so one definition states it online. i am confused, but yet know this period in my life i am going a new, fresh direction. i am 21, not your normal get crazy, drink, and party 21 year old. i love nights spent with family, i love countless hours spent on my cell phone at night getting to know people, and i love where i stand with the Lord. i believe this is the life God desires for me.

i look at life with a new perspective after July. i was not fully reaching the potential God set out for me, and although it took lots of pain and tears to get here-i'm happy. the kind of happy where i'm not afraid to be blunt, truthful,or my honest self.

so-this is what im thinking right now in this moment...i'm living for Jesus, and i feel like He is proud of me for that. i think i have been searching so hard for what Jesus wants me to do that maybe He wants me to stop and focus on what I have with Him right now. I know my relationship with Him has lacked, a lot, but i know where i stand now and where i don't want to be again. i have learned to include God in my relationships, and everyday activities because He is all that truly matters as i live my life.

i need strength and patience. i have learned to go the the Lord first with any problem. i love my life, and all the people in it and strive everyday to be the woman He made me to be

psalm 30:1
i will exalt you, Lord, for you rescued me. you refused to let my enemies triumph over me.

this is my journey, this is my story, this is my life...
kb

i'm feeling uninspired... but that's when i just need to start typing and see where it takes me.

topic of discussion today: hanging on

had a good discussion over supper last night about how i view different situations in life. if you know me i tend to be quiet and in thought often...don't take it as me being someone i'm not-that's just my personality. i am opinionated, and can be honest and straight forward, but who says what's right and wrong-only God in my opinion.

anyway i started thinking about my past-and how i may still be hanging on to things but yet know i'm so much more than that. i can't look at other's sin's and think mine is nothing compared to theirs. all sin's are the same in God's eyes. i realize holding on to what has helped me grow is all that i should be hanging on to, all the rest can well-just go!

God knows my anxious heart-i think that's why He test's my patience...to keep me dependent on Him in ALL situations. God is the only person that know's me better than myself-scary thought but SO true. I have experienced pain, joy's, and all the in between's and it's made for the "hanging on" moments which sometimes need to be let go. but God is working in my heart more than anyone, but Him, will ever know. change is hard for me but not this one-it is much needed!

i feel love, i feek grace, and God stole me heart this past year. thankful-so much! i learned to be happy for who i was, my independence, and my family. i have been learning and still struggle with putting other's before myself, but change takes time. change take's prayer, devotion, and a steady heart in Jesus.

i see now in my own life what i don't want for so many young girls. talking to a room of teenagers over the weekend was a blessing. hearing stories and situations where people have to be vulnerable is important-it's how we grow. nothing in life comes easy if it's something we really want. why?...God designed us so that we fall on Him. Smart man Jesus is!

so... what am i still hanging on to? -only the good stuff. i am learning to let my heart be open to new possibilities and life changes. why? cause im ready. in God's time, and His will i'll see what He has set out for me, and maybe that just requires me digging in a little deeper and getting to know this big heart God gave me better.

proverbs 3:5-6

trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understandings. in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight.

always depend on Jesus. hang on to the moments that only make you a better person.

this is my journey, this is my story, this is my life...

kb

want to know something....i am not a fan of being a public speaker, actually i would much rather sing alone for a crowd of 5,000 all alone than have to open my mouth and speak.

BUT....my life isn't about what I want to do, it's about God's will and i need to be obedient and do just that.

as i prepare for a weekend of speaking, singing, and worship i have had a lot of time to pause and reflect on what God really wants me to say. i struggle with fears and worries about not being able to say what i want and staying relaxed. i struggle with rejection and curiosity on how the crowd will take what we all have to say.

purity. ya-not always an easy topic to speak on but i honestly feel like God has called me to do it. i have been on a bumpy path and have so much on my heart to talk about but yet worry. i can only pray God will fill my mouth with the words He needs these young girls to hear. you see we were told going into this event this weekend that a girl from this group tried to justify that it's ok to have sex before marriage. it's not. and i can only hope i am able to plant a new seed and a new view on how GOD views sex, love, and marriage.

so a verse i plan on sharing...
romans 6:1-2
"well then, should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more and more of his wonderful grace? of course not! since we have died to sin, how can we continue to live in it?"

proverbs 4:23
"above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

i pray this weekend brings challenges so i can be used for God's kingdom. i pray for Jesus' to speak through me, and i pray the girls that come to the conference this weekend come with open hearts.

this is my journey, this is my story, this is my life...
kb